Evil Dead

Through the history of horror films, somewhere along the way the word "terrifying" has had it's meaning changed from "to fill with fear or alarm" to "bucket and buckets of blood". Because of that, the remake of the 1981 cult classic "The Evil Dead" has been deemed "The Most Terrifying Movie Ever Made". Even with the new meaning, that critic must not have seen "Dead Alive".

Dropping the "The" from the title, "Evil Dead" is an "edgier" and "more terrifying" version of the 1981 film. It's "ground-breaking" style has paved a "new way" for the future of horror movies.

You might notice I used a lot of quotations in those two sentences. That is because the hype around this movie is all for not. There is nothing new or groundbreaking about this movie. It is the same gore-porn that we have all come to know and tolerate (or detest) since it became the norm when they installed the ratings system.

Now, that's not to say this movie is terrible. It's not. It's entertaining. But there is nothing to special about it at all. The acting isn't good. The writing is sub par. The special effects are on par with modern horror movies. But it's all so very predictable. And no, that's not because it's a remake. If I remember correctly, its actually quite different from the original if you forget about the tree-raping, basement prisoner that possesses the young lady, and the book of the dead and what not. Granted it''s been over half a decade since I last saw the original.

I know, I hate Mondays too.

What's really impressive is that director Fefe Alvarez got the job as director by making a youtube video. in his home country of Uruguay. And being made for only $300, it's pretty good.

Instead of getting fined for using copy written music,

he gets a Directing contract.... jerk.

Anyway, "Evil Dead" is what it is... a gory, horror film. If you want to see something like that, you'll like it, or at least enjoy it. If you don't want to see something like that, don't see it.

My Grade: C+

Olympus Has Fallen

I wish they'd change this title to "'MURICA". This is also why I'm not a producer.

My experience watching this was not the best. That's not to say this movie wasn't enjoyable. However, there was a man who sat in the same row as me who was not enjoyable. Let me break it down for you using the rules and etiquette of viewing a movie in public.

• Do not talk during the presentation, unless of course it is a Tyler Perry movie or any other movie where the main demographic is African-Americans.
• If you're coughing excessively and it sounds like you might need an ambulance or at least to quit smoking, please exit the theatre and receive a full cash refund at the box office. Seriously, no one wants to hear what's in your throat.
• Laughing when people are dying in something that is not a comedy is generally just not a good idea. It makes people around you think you are a serial killer. But if you're a serial killer, by all means, laugh on.
• It's one thing to whisper jokes to your friends during the movie, but if you are alone... you're a bastard and I hate you.

Now that I got that off my chest...

"Olympus Has Fallen" is about a man who works for the Secret Service. He is taken off of Presidential Detail when the First Lady dies while he is on the job. When the White House is overrun by terrorists, he finds himself the only man alive inside the White House and has to take on an army single handedly.

"MURICAN chaos ensues.

Oh Say, Can You See...

By the Dawns Early Light...

What so Proudly We Hailed...

At The Twilights Last Gleaming...

Whose Broad Stripes and Bright Stars...

Through the Perilous fight...

O'er the ramparts we watched...

Were so gallantly streaming...

And the Rockets Red Glare...

The Bomb's Bursting in Air...

Oh, Say does that Star Spangled....

Banner yet wave...

O'er the land of the free...

And the home of the brave!!!!

Anyway... this movie was good.

My Grade: B+

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

Ah, nothing is better than going to see a movie and being the only one in the theater. Maybe it's just me, but it makes me feel special, even though it has happened to me a lot, working at a theatre and what not. Comedies, however, usually don't seem as funny when you're the only one watching. The crowd's laughter really adds to the experience. That being said, the lack of a crowd didn't affect how much I laughed at "The Incredible Burt Wonderstone".

"The Incredible Burt Wonderstone" is about two best friends (Steve Carrel and Steve Buscemi) who essentially become Siegfried & Roy minus the tigers. They become one of the most popular acts on the Las Vegas strip, but soon find out sticking with the same routine will make you fade into nothingness. A threat in the form of street magician, Steve Grey (Jim Carrey) causes rifts in their relationship, forcing them to part ways.

Maybe, it is the thoughts of my good friend The Amazing Ray Brown (who is not a pedophile) that made this funny. But I think this was just a legitimately humorous movie. All of the actors and the editing had great timing. The situations were very funny, and the references to the magic industry set it over the edge. Especially in the subject of street magic.

Less ridiculous than Chris Angel.

This is a fun and clever movie that I feel people from all ages will be able to enjoy. Granted, no movie is for everyone, and this probably isn't even for most people. But I found it to be extremely entertaining and funny. If you are looking for a comedy, check out "The Incredible Burt Wonderstone". The worst that could happen is that you don't like it. Plus it's got Olivia Wilde. Who doesn't like Olivia Wilde?

How could you stay ma at her for stealing your watch?

Just look how gorgeous she is!

My Grade: B+

Oz The Great and Powerful

In my opinion, after "Spiderman 2" Sam Raimi has had no place behind the camera. "Spiderman 3" was horrendous. I didn't even bother with "Drag Me to Hell". His ego got the best of him, and it became extremely apparent. Remember the dancing scene in "Spiderman 3"? Need I say more?

Because of this, I had no interest what-so-ever to see "Oz: The Great and Powerful". But once again, my fiancée came to the rescue and dragged me to see it. Not really. We had a private screening at her theatre.

Ugh, just watching that trailer makes me cringe. For those of you who don't know, "Oz: The Great and Powerful" is the adaptation for the nonexistent prequel to "The Wizard of Oz" book series. Already, that raises a butt-load of red flags for me. Not only is this based off of a book series, but it is also a made up chapter of said series that has 13 other books they could have adapted. Now I'm not saying that this is all Sam Raimi's fault, but it is.

Some men just want to watch the world burn.

"Oz: The Great and Powerful" feels like one of those movies that was made just to make money. With no care to the audience at all. Much like "Spiderman 3". They knew they could make a lot of money with a prequel to one of the most revolutionary movies in the world, but didn't have the time or passion to make it worth the audience's while. For shame, Mr. Raimi. For Shame.

For my next movie, I'm going to make up a 

prequel to the Big Bang! No, not the TV Show.

The day I no longer get to see movies for free, is the day I stop seeing Sam Raimi movies. He's gotten so terrible. He should stick to making movies where women get beat up by ghosts and demons. And even then he should just stop.

My Grade: C-

Dead Man Down

An amazing opening scene to begin, followed by your typical revenge flick, "Dead Man Down" is nothing spectacular. But it is also worth the watch, if you're looking for a good action movie.

Set in New York, but also painfully obvious that some scenes were filmed in Philadelphia (1:55, Philadelphia City Hall can be seen through the window) "Dead Man Down" tells the story of a man who works for the mob. He is approached by one of his neighbors who threatens to send the police a video of him killing a man if he doesn't agree to help her kill the man that left her face scarred in a drunk-driving accident. Being a criminal and not particularly caring for human's he agrees.

You mean to tell me, I get off scott-free if I do

the same thing I do everyday? Deal!

But everything becomes complicated when he starts falling in love with the woman. Not really. Just ads spice to his life. What really gets complicated is when she finds out he actually only joined the mob to get close to the same man that killed his family, to keep them from testifying in a trial against him. But for some reason, his boss doesn't know what the man who was going to testify against him looks like. So it makes it quite easy for him to be accepted into the gang.

Like I said, this film is nothing special. It is filled with clichés and half-thought plot-points. The acting, cinematography and writing is good enough to keep the movie flowing, but it's nothing to write home about. Frankly, had it not been filmed in Philadelphia, I might not have seen it. But if you are bored one day, and have nothing to watch, "Dead Man Down" is a good time filler.

My Grade: B-

Jurassic Park 3D

Nothing is quite as satisfying as seeing movies you love, but weren’t old enough to see on the big screen, well… on the big screen. For me, it was a dream come true to see “Jurassic Park” in IMAX.

Released in 1993, I was almost four years old when this was released. And lucky for many movie-goers, my parents were not like those douche-bags who take kids who are way to young to be seeing the movie they are seeing and disturb the entire audience by crying every time a person gets their faced ripped off!

Did anyone else think this guy was taking a dump

when they were kids?

But when that movie was released on VHS, I tore that shit up! I had to have watched it at least fifty times. Hell, it even inspired me to become a paleontologist. Then I found out movies weren’t real and spiraled into deep depression.

But surely, the Power Rangers must be real.

Please. I can't stand another broken heart.

Seeing it on IMAX did not disappoint. Seeing the great size of the T-Rex, the sheer speed of the Raptors and the extreme bad-ass-ness that is Jeff Goldblum on the big screen was very nostalgic for me.

“Jurassic Park” is one of Spielberg’s greatest films and hardly needs a giant screen to be considered so. The pure majesty that one feels when Dr. Grant, Dr. Sattler and Dr. Malcolm feel when they first lay eyes on the brachiosaurus for the first time is unforgettable.

And even today, in a time post James Cameron’s “Avatar”, the special effects still are surprisingly realistic. I believe the way they went about creating the dinosaurs is the way all CGI should be handled. And that is “build scale robots of the dinosaurs and only use CGI when it is absolutely necessary. Computer Animation is used far too much in today’s industry, and because of that, Special Effects have become a lost art.

This film was and is a classic. It became a classic the second it hit the silver screen. And that is because everyone has some infatuation with dinosaurs. And if you say you don’t, you’re a dirty no-good liar.

My Grade: A

Trance

Danny Boyle is known for making trippy movies. "Sunshine" and "Trainspotting" are proof of that. But how does Mr. Boyle top himself? By making a movie that even the main character doesn't know what's going on until the end of the movie.

"Trance" is a movie about a man, who works at an Art Auction, that works with a gang to steal a painting to pay back his gambling debts. But the robbery goes wrong, and he is hit on the head, causing him to forget where he left the painting. He and the robbers decide to try to use a hypnotherapist in order to help him remember, but she soon catches on to what they are trying to accomplish.

In his first film since "127 Hours", Danny Boyle decides to go back to his roots and make a movie that would make the audience rip it's hair out until the credits being to roll and everything comes full circle. And he jumped back into it like he never left. This film will keep you at the edge of your seat and keep you wondering what the hell you're watching for the entire 90 minutes. It is an intense, fast paced, roller coaster of emotion that could be a perfect example of an acid trip for someone who has never tripped in acid before (myself included).

All on all, "Trance" is a good movie, but not the best Mr. Boyle has directed. But it was a refreshing showcase of originality during a normally boring month of movies.

My Grade: B