The Purge

Let's say for conversations sake, if the scenario in "The Purge" were to be true, and all crimes including murder were to be legal for 12 hours one night out of the year, answer the following questions.

What is one thing you would steal?

Where would you loiter?

What other law would you break?

For me? I would steal as much Barq's and/or IBC Root Beet and Frozen Pizza as I could fit in my car. I would loiter outside of a Taco Bell and being from Pennsylvania, I would sleep on a refrigerator outdoors. (Possibly an internet myth, but hell, why not?)

You don't choose the thug life, the thug life chooses you!

"The Purge" takes place in America in the near future. "The New Founding Fathers" have created a day in which for twelve hours, all crime is legal. This was created with the idea that "The Purge", as they call it, will help people release all of their hate, and the other 8,748 hours in the year will be relatively crime free.

The Sandins, a wealthy family who are one of the few who are able to afford a state of the art security system that protects them from the annual Purge, find themselves in a pickle when their young son opens their home to a man running from a gang of purgers. These Purgers demand that the Sandins return their victim or they will break in and kill everyone.

This gentleman right here is too late. He already killed me with his smile and charm.

This is your typical, wacky-scenario horror movie in which no one thinks logically or unselfishly. The kind of movie that "The Cabin in the Woods" is poking fun at. Lets start from the beginning, shall we?

SPOILER ALERT: The rest of this post may be filled with spoilers, but I assure you, you can see everything coming from a mile away regardless.

The ridiculousness starts when Zoey Sandin, the teenage daughter's boyfriend breaks into their house before the security system is down. Zoey's Father doesn't like her boyfriend. So to fix this, her boyfriend gets the great idea to kill her Father as soon as the Purge begins, with the idea that she will still love him afterwards.  I mean, we've all been there, am I right fellas?

Then, when the Father is trying to save his family by tying the man who his son saved to take him outside, people start acting like he's the bad guy. I mean, I understand it's messed up, sending a guy out to die in order to save your family, but ANY Father would do that. It doesn't mean he likes the fact that he's doing it, it just mean he doesn't want you to die, you ungrateful little bastards!

Ugh, why are you trying to save us, Dad? You're such a loser!

Becky's Dad would never try to save her!

And the way the gang breaks into the house? The chain the GIANT STEEL DOORS up to A PICK-UP TRUCK and RIP THEM OUT.... are they serious? How bad is this security system where it can't handle a pick up driving in reverse?

This movie was so predictable, I felt like I was just making it up as I was watching it. All except for Ethan Hawke and Rhys Wakefield (The Gang Leader) the acting was sub par. It wasn't particularly scary and it wasn't well written. But the people who made it are marketing geniuses. They made it for $3 Million, and it made just over $34 Million it's first weekend. I guess if you light any movie darkly and put scary music to it, you can walk away rich!

My Grade: C-

Evil Dead

Through the history of horror films, somewhere along the way the word "terrifying" has had it's meaning changed from "to fill with fear or alarm" to "bucket and buckets of blood". Because of that, the remake of the 1981 cult classic "The Evil Dead" has been deemed "The Most Terrifying Movie Ever Made". Even with the new meaning, that critic must not have seen "Dead Alive".

Dropping the "The" from the title, "Evil Dead" is an "edgier" and "more terrifying" version of the 1981 film. It's "ground-breaking" style has paved a "new way" for the future of horror movies.

You might notice I used a lot of quotations in those two sentences. That is because the hype around this movie is all for not. There is nothing new or groundbreaking about this movie. It is the same gore-porn that we have all come to know and tolerate (or detest) since it became the norm when they installed the ratings system.

Now, that's not to say this movie is terrible. It's not. It's entertaining. But there is nothing to special about it at all. The acting isn't good. The writing is sub par. The special effects are on par with modern horror movies. But it's all so very predictable. And no, that's not because it's a remake. If I remember correctly, its actually quite different from the original if you forget about the tree-raping, basement prisoner that possesses the young lady, and the book of the dead and what not. Granted it''s been over half a decade since I last saw the original.

I know, I hate Mondays too.

What's really impressive is that director Fefe Alvarez got the job as director by making a youtube video. in his home country of Uruguay. And being made for only $300, it's pretty good.

Instead of getting fined for using copy written music,

he gets a Directing contract.... jerk.

Anyway, "Evil Dead" is what it is... a gory, horror film. If you want to see something like that, you'll like it, or at least enjoy it. If you don't want to see something like that, don't see it.

My Grade: C+